Movie Number- 60
Title– Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)
Genre– Teen Romance/Supernatural
Branden’s Rating– 3 out of 10
Bridgette’s Rating– 7 out of 10
Average Rating– 5
Netflix Rating– 3 Stars
Comments– I went into the movie expecting it not to receive anything more than a 1, but secretly hoping it would surprise me. The only thing that surprises me is that these characters are so fucking popular. I loathe, hate, execrate, despise the character of Bella Swan: she’s a manipulative, vain, whore who only cares about what she wants, no matter who she hurts along the way. How the hell can she garner sympathy from people?! I think that says something extremely negative about our moral system, but this isn’t supposed to be a rant about that. Anyway, the first 20 minutes of the movie were almost unwatchable to me because it was boring and went nowhere, and having to watch Bella and Edward kiss is one of THE most awkward fucking things I ever had to sit through.

*SPOILERS*

But, once Edward leaves Forks, things started getting a bit better, but my hatred for Bella grew with every scene. Jacob is a much more likable character (even he isn’t a great actor by any stretch of the imagination) than that of Edward, and it is safe to say that I am (officially) Team Jacob. But, the way he gets treated by Bella is disgusting, and it was getting to the point where I was not even wanting to watch the movie anymore because of it. What raised this movie above a 1 rating for me was the bad ass werewolves! Apparently I am a sucker for things like that because I really liked them (it’s got me searching on Goodreads for a more adult werewolf novel). The only reason I am not killing myself before Wednesday (when Eclipse comes out) is because I think that the werewolf clan is going to be a much bigger feature in the next movie, and so I am hoping I will like it a bit more. Oh, and the fight between the vampires towards the end of the movie kicked a bit of ass also. I just wish it was longer.

So, the main character is awful, her main love interest is a tool, and the good part of the movie (the werewolves) were not featured nearly enough, and the ending made it feel like I had just spent the previous two-plus hours watching a very long television episode, not a movie: I have never seen a MOVIE have an ending like that, with such a cliffhanger; there was absolutely NO conclusion to that two-plus hour film that it’s ridiculous. Those are some of the reasons why this movie gets a 3 from me. But, either way, I am still forced to see the next one. Bridgette, on the other hand, is a huge fan of the movies and the books, and is (literally) counting down the days until Wednesday when she gets to see Eclipse. Bad-Good.

I guess I should also note that if we were to have watched Twilight (the first movie) during this year, it would have scored a 1, much worse than this one. The first one was absolutely terrible, and shouldn’t have even warranted a sequel. Luckily for the actors in the film, the American public has shitty taste most of the time.

Branden Chowen
Editor-in-Chief at Cinefessions

Branden has been a film fan since he was young, roaming the halls of Blockbuster Video, trying to find the grossest, scariest looking VHS covers to rent and watch alone in the basement. It wasn’t until recently, though, that Branden started seeking out the classics of cinema, and began to develop his true passion for the art form. Branden approaches each film with the unique perspective of having studied the art from the inside, having both a bachelor’s and master’s degree in acting. He has been a film critic since 2010, and has previously written for Inside Pulse Movies, We Love Cult, and Diehard Gamefan. His biggest achievement as a film critic, to date, has been founding Cinefessions and turning it from a personal blog to a true film website, housing hundreds of film and television reviews, and dozens of podcasts.